So there’s a couple of dates in the diary coming up in the next few months which have got me (over) thinking parenting again. Seriously, no one tells you at parent school that your mind is in a constant state of turbulent emotions do they?! [note to self – parent school? what a cracking idea!]

Both of these events involve my Daughter going off with people who I don’t completely 100% know. As in not a family babysitting assist or sleepover occasion. This has got me questioning myself as a parent and wondering when I should start to step back a bit and let my Daughter do things without me watching over her.

Whilst I don’t classify myself as a helicopter parent I do appreciate how strong I feel about not letting my child out of my sight. It makes me terrified to think I can’t see her, and therefore protect her. I just can’t see a time when I’ll be ok with it. Of course it’ll come but it all feels too soon.

She’s growing up so fast

iBear is 7 next year. Her confidence is growing and there are signs that she’d like to start being more independent. For example, she loves taking a shower by herself now. Although she still likes me to come and talk to her while she washes. She loves getting changed in her own cubicle after we’ve been swimming. The look on her face when she asks to go to the toilet by herself in a public place and we agree is brilliant. She finds it so exciting and grown up. Of course this only happens when we know there’s no way she can leave the toilet without us noticing. Like going to a restaurant and sitting where we can see the toilet and know there’s only one door in or out.

That’s pretty much it as far as her requests for independence go. She hasn’t asked to go and play outside with friends yet. I’m dreading that day and I’ve no idea how I’m going to cope. But there’s been things start to happen recently which make me think I’ve got some tough decisions ahead.

The story so far

I recently spoke to a friend who was telling me they’ve started letting their son play outside a little with a couple of friends who live close to them. He’s a year older than iBear and it hit home how close this could be to my parenting bubble. There’s a school friend that lives close to us and to be honest we have talked about when we would maybe arrange to send the kids to each other houses. Just not yet has always been the go to answer.

There’s also been a few requests towards the end of last year about going to other friends houses after school. I’ve found this difficult to respond to. Whilst I have no issue with the kids (and parents) in question, her class seems to be a nice one, I can’t bring myself to agree unless I invite myself around too. This hasn’t happened yet and we’ve always made a “we’ll do it soon” excuse but I know this will keep coming around.

The birthday party

And so to the events in question. My daughter has been invited to a birthday party where the kids will be going off in a limo. They then go on to do some activities before returning to the birthday girls house for tea. There’ll be adults going along to supervise, of course. We, along with the other parents, have been invited back to the house for when the kids return.

This means I’m leaving my daughter in the care of adults I don’t know. The supervisors have kids going to the party and I get on well with the birthday girls dad at the school gates but I don’t know them that well. There’s absolutely no reason to feel worried about all of this, but I do. What if iBear wanders off? What if she needs the toilet and decided to go when she thinks someone is watching her when they’re not?

I’m absolutely sure if I asked to go along they wouldn’t have a problem. But should I just suck it up and let her go and enjoy herself without me tagging along? iBear has asked if I’m going and I’ve told her not until afterwards. She was ok with this but I still don’t know if I’m not.

The sleepover

The second event is there’s been talk recently of her local rainbows unit organising a sleepover. iBear is very excited about this. She did ask if I was allowed to go and I told her no parents would be allowed. She seemed ok with that but time will tell if she still wants to give it a go. I’ll be encouraging her to do it as I know it’ll be a fantastic experience. But I’m already resigning myself to a sleepless night when it comes around.

OneDadsView

When I think back to my childhood I’m sure it was around junior school (years 3-6) that I remember starting to play outside with my friends. So on that basis I’m fine with iBear not going anywhere without her parents (or other family members). But it feels like there’s more people who are more comfortable with this for their kids at an earlier age. I see children playing outside that a definitely younger than my daughter. I’ve heard and seen other children in her class going off with other parents.

So is it me who has the problem? Should I start to let my daughter go? I was talking to a neighbour about this a few weeks ago and she told me that I’d know when I was ready. It’s my child and I should never feel bad for not being ready yet. But then the last thing I want is to smother my daughter or pass on any of my neurosis’ to her.

Parenting is so hard.