Am I smothering my Daughter?
My five year old Daughter and I have a brilliant relationship. I’ve been a hands on Dad since the moment she was born. I changed her, I bathe her, I put her to bed, I do homework with her, I read to her, I play with her. I wouldn’t have it any other way either. It can be tough, of course. Having very little time to myself has always been an issue but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Now I’m not saying this makes me special in any way. There are loads of Dads out there doing the exact same thing and I salute each and every one of them. But recently a couple of things have occurred that made me question – am I doing “too” much? Am I smothering my Daughter?
Where’d she go?!
The first instance happened while my Wife and I were watching our Daughter in a swimming lesson. She was doing really well and was full of smiles as she waved over at us having triumphantly managed to swim the length of the five metre pool. I made a throwaway comment about how brilliant she was and was it possible you could love a child too much. To my surprise my wife replied with “well you do go over the top with her sometimes”. I was taken aback a little by this and asked what she meant. Nothing really she said, just little things here and there. But she did use an example of a recent Remembrance day parade that my Daughter took part in with her Rainbows group.
The parade was through our local village centre and was packed full of people. I lost sight of her and her group quite early on and it’s true I couldn’t relax and enjoy the parade properly until it was over and I found her. She’d been perfectly safe of course with the Rainbow leaders and had had a great time. But I do struggle when I know I can’t see her when we’re out in public, regardless of who she is with.
Parenting advice
The second instance was during a casual stroll through my Instagram feed when I came across a post from CBeebies referencing an article from a site called empowering parents.
You can read the article here.
The first three points are the ones that made me sit up and take notice:
- Don’t hover over your child
- Don’t pass on your worries
- Don’t make your child the centre of your universe
If I’m being honest I’m guilty of doing all of these things at one time or another. I can hover over my Daughter at times. She’s afraid of wasps which is down to my own personal fear. She is most definitely the centre of my universe. Does this mean I am going over the top with my parenting attitude? It certainly made me feel that way.
But then I read the whole article and I found it quite thought provoking. It made me realise I’m probably not as bad as I first feared. Sure, they are aspects of my parenting which would lean towards the “helicopter” style but I don’t think I quite ready for my full flying licence, so to speak.
OneDadsView
I think ultimately it comes down to the classic phrase “everything in moderation”. I know I can be a little smothering at times but I honestly think that’s fine. I also encourage her to explore life outside of the Daddy Daughter bubble. After school clubs and Grandparent sleepovers are two examples of this. So as I always do, I take comments and advice on board. They help shape me into the person I want to be, the person my Daughter always says is – The best Daddy in the world.
14 thoughts on “Am I smothering my Daughter?”
It can be a difficult balance to find, one that I think many of us struggle with. Great post
What a thought-provoking post! I don’t think I’d class myself as an overprotective, helicopter parent but that’s not to say that those that are, are doing it “wrong.” Parenting is HARD, and our children are our precious jewels – Finding that balance between protection and letting them find their own way is a personal journey. But I do agree, everything in moderation is a good place to start! Have you ever asked your daughter how she feels about it? It would be interesting to hear our own children’s perspective I think! #TriumphantTales
Thank you for the comment. That’s a great idea getting a childs perspective. I may well do that for a follow up blog post.
Great post, Neil. I think we all can feel like we’re “too much”, more because we don’t want to be “not enough”. You’re an awesome Dad!
Thanks very much. I am driven by the “not enough” concept, I just hope it’s not too much.
I think we are all guilty of ‘going over the top’ at some point in parenting but does that matter?! I don’t think so. She knows you love her that’s important #TriumphantTales
I don’t think it does as long as it’s not over the top all of the time. Thank you for the comment.
Doesn’t everyone go OTT with their kids at some point or another? As long as you’re aware and know when circumstances require it to be reigned in slightly it doesn’t matter does it?
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.
Fair play – I agree. This parenting lark isn’t easy is it! Thanks for commenting.
If you weren’t hands on, you’d then be worrying about that instead! I’m exactly the same at times. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do this whole parenting lark, is there? #ItsOK
It’s good to know I’m not alone in my thinking! Thanks for the comment.
Such a lovely piece; I totally get this. Being a SAHM-turned-WAHM, I’m always around for all his school pick-ups and drop-offs, school plays, extra-curricular classes, playdates etc. We’re very close and I love that and wouldn’t change it for the world. But sometimes I do feel I should let him do some things alone, just to experience that as well and gain more independence. I’m ‘letting go’ bit by bit but it’s tough. Great post, thanks for sharing with #itsok
My husband is very over-protective of his 3 daughters … in my opinion. It verges on anxiety and the controls he puts in place around them can be extremely smothering, maybe not for them yet, but as a mother I am often the one made to carry out the smothering as he has to work. It’s exhausting.
Hats off to you for at least taking the time to consider the fact that you could be smothering her. I’m sure you have the balance right.
#itsok
That’s very thought provoking, thank you. Hopefully I do ultimately get he balance right.